thursday 18 september 2025

hello guys~ ive been on meds for a while now and im feeling so much better and stable. my moodswings are super managable... im making a bit of progress... on monday i went to my therapy clinic and it was fine.. we had group therapy and that was hella akward hihi ! it was me and a different dude who had it way worse than me, he was barely moving throughout the whole session. i colored a coloring page while we watched a documentary.

then on tuesday and wednesday i went to school and guys... i actually did my schoolwork !! im so proud of myself. i did some photoshop jobs as well as research which i also promised id do. i worked on my portfolio on wednesday. after college my friends dragged me to some random rich kid neighborhood and we went to one of my friends friends house... he got us ALL pizza and he got me and julia sushi box too ??? that was all super good. mel put stars in my hair like beads. it was fun but i got home rlly late and there was definently some puke too. we played cards against humanity and that was funny

i made it home by 11:30 i think ?? then today i woke up and i had groups therapy again. it was a bit different this time, today it was me and 2 guys, one 25 year old trans guy that was kinda hyper and only liked talking about himself, and then an old dude that reaaaaally wanted to kill himself. i made this cool collage in the therapie session with a bunch of stickers and buttons but i didnt take a picture.

gyms been lacking but honestly i am very exhausted from both therapy and school so i dont blame myself. i will get back into it once i get into the rythm of things, i cant be too mad at myself when my therapy sessions lasts hours and i have to go to school and do homework. so im honestly just staying realistic, gonna make some time for it when i feel a bit more stable. i also have MORE medication now and i dont think the meds are gonna stop coming theyre gonna put me on alot of stuff because i cant stop talking about my problems

we're making some progress for my transition too, i talked with a couple of people there about my note that i need to start applying, and since my psych was lowkey avoiding her responsibility on that not 1 but 2 of my therapists have sent her well worded letters about it. my main therapist apologised that i have been neglected, not only in my life but also at therapy, where i should be feeling safe. she said she was going to make sure i get my note and that ill be put on the lists. in the meantime theres enough work to do like trauma therapy and stuff, i will jump through every hoop to feel okay with myself and life

also recently found out my parents saved half of a million euros for me ? but that they cant give it to me because of the whole massive tax cut. the idea is that i will get it after i graduate... that shook me a little LOL. eating ice cream rn, listening to tyler. chilling so good. byeeeeeeee

monday 1 september 2025

i went to college today. im reallly, reaaaaally glad to be home. that good nights sleep is something ive been wanting for a while now. i was on time today so honestly i ate that up, and when i went to get an energy drink i was able to snatch the last sugar free one ? okur im happy

my class was so. eugh. i made some friends actually but all in other classes, which is still fun. and i saw my hoooomegiiiirllll !! i missed her so much lol its not even funny anymore. speaking of that, yesterday i FIIIIIIINAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY got a new ipad ive been dying dying dyyyyyiiiiing for a new one !!! and now i gots it. so i drew a little doodle !!! its other angel and other haku watching a movie together ~ i really like how it came out, especially the biceps and the veeiiiinsssss. the bracelet of course, the oily ass nose on me LOL, AND THE CREEPER PLUSHIEEEEEEEEE my fav fav FAVVVVV

i also drew my other oc's lee and jaza today. usually i focus purely on hisanoki but honestly i missed drawing my nonchalant sexy lesbian and gremlin baby. so here is them too. i felt a little stiff drawing this but GAAAAH lee's slutty waist ?!?!?!?!?!?! the bony hands... her looooong hair.... JAZABELLS THIGH. GAP. AAUUUGH END ME. i think the total time for this one was like 2 hours and the one of me and haku was like 3 hours i think.

also... about thigh gaps, mine got bigger recently im actually getting so shocked that the pounds keep dropping and dropping and its not like im starving myself, well, yeah no i still do eat, but today i saw my fucking chest bones in the mirror. my. chest. bones. only slightly but jeez.