positive self talk is the best way to feel better in your daily life i think.. being grateful for the little things feels really nice ! yesterday i went to college and when i went in the little shop at the train station to get a sugar free red bull i was able to get the very last one... i was so happy !!

im actually a little upset that i had my free day today, because i was really ready to go to school and just start grinding and i guess only going to school for 1 day kind of took me out of that. i did get a lot of stuff done today though, i spent a long time finding a timeline maker for hisanoki, i found a decent one... tell me why every single timeline maker has a paid or premium or stupid ass subscription just to make a decent timeline ???

i also finally ate today, like 3 meals. small victories guys. may all the protein i had today go into my arms and chest, and may the burninh ab excersises i did today work ! people must be crazy because tell me why i went to the gym and its the busiest its ever been in the time ive been going there again ?? why has every single cis man decided he was going to lock in... im already sick of them. almost every machine was occupied

i couldnt even follow any kind of program, so i just did upper body today, and did like 5 machines and then called it a day. i made the very grave mistake of taking 2 scoops of pre and it kind of felt like i was on some kind of crack. i was SHAKING and i still kind of am but i also absolutely SLAMMMMMMED it in that gym. the 30 mins cardio felt like 10 mins, i lifted 5 kilos higher than my last PR before i went on vacation ?!?! i didnt even do nooothing in the gym for like... idk 2 weeks. i literally lost 5 ish pounds and i still hit harder

also, im going to whoop my gymbro. august 31st he texted me saying like on yeah angelo we're gonna lock in hard this september and im like okur. so i texted him yesterday asking him when we're gonna go and he didnt reply he was sleeping... okay fair enough. he has a hard ass job couldnt be me so like i get it. so we talked today and i ask him "when are we going to the gym today" and he says "idk yet" so i become that one dog meme of it just closing its eyes cause i know this man is going to go to bed again. so i just went alone.

trying to be nice to myself every single day, because its really easy to be harsh on myself and hate myself for alot of mistakes i made in the past. evolving, growing, improving myself, for myself, but also everyone i hold dearly. everyone i love deserves to see the best version of myself. i have not binge ate in a whole month, i havent cut myself in almost 2, although im actively battling this. im not reliant on my cart anymore, i take it sometimes but ive been feeling more clearheaded sober, and just being grateful for the good things that happen to me instead of the bad. its really hard when you live with something like bipolar, feelings feel really big, and it does feel like the world ends, but im trying to keep calm whenever i feel stressed, i tap myself and focus alot on my breathing, i affirm myself that im okay and not in danger, i force myself to eat, to shower, to clean myself, to do my hair, to get dressed, to get up even, to stay alive even.

i went to college today. im reallly, reaaaaally glad to be home. that good nights sleep is something ive been wanting for a while now. i was on time today so honestly i ate that up, and when i went to get an energy drink i was able to snatch the last sugar free one ? okur im happy

my class was so. eugh. i made some friends actually but all in other classes, which is still fun. and i saw my hoooomegiiiirllll !! i missed her so much lol its not even funny anymore. speaking of that, yesterday i FIIIIIIINAAAALLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY got a new ipad ive been dying dying dyyyyyiiiiing for a new one !!! and now i gots it. so i drew a little doodle !!! its other angel and other haku watching a movie together ~ i really like how it came out, especially the biceps and the veeiiiinsssss. the bracelet of course, the oily ass nose on me LOL, AND THE CREEPER PLUSHIEEEEEEEEE my fav fav FAVVVVV

i also drew my other oc's lee and jaza today. usually i focus purely on hisanoki but honestly i missed drawing my nonchalant sexy lesbian and gremlin baby. so here is them too. i felt a little stiff drawing this but GAAAAH lee's slutty waist ?!?!?!?!?!?! the bony hands... her looooong hair.... JAZABELLS THIGH. GAP. AAUUUGH END ME. i think the total time for this one was like 2 hours and the one of me and haku was like 3 hours i think.

also... about thigh gaps, mine got bigger recently im actually getting so shocked that the pounds keep dropping and dropping and its not like im starving myself, well, yeah no i still do eat, but today i saw my fucking chest bones in the mirror. my. chest. bones. only slightly but jeez.